What the hell has happened to late Night TV

Even with freeview, there’s not much on past the 4am mark, always a turning point for me round about 4-5am whenever puppets start turning up, it’s bad news when it all goes from comedy to education when all that’s left if BBC news 24 which does have some comedy like when archbishops and popes and the like start talking about embryos and stem cell research, when they are wearing glasses and…ahem appearing on television, no science involved there of course. Surely an ex-member of the Nazi youth would be down with lots of experiments involving embryos. Where's the balance? I want a molecular biologist on with his/her opinion on the colour of Jesus's pants.

Other than that there’s Floyd on the Fjords and Taste, the two guilty pleasures of latenight TV. Had a discussion with Rich at work my co-chef and unfortunate listening post to most of insane rants during shifts, I like staying up until 5am and he likes cooking so he did see these shows, but I think he sees them at normal hours not on the 5am repeats. I saw Floyd cooking some goose monstrosity and what looked like a bathtub boiling with lots of pale meats and sausages, that all looked like the ‘baby’ at the end of Alien: Resurrection.

Although Taste has a hot presenter her borderline racism is quite funny, whenever a food expert from an ethnic minority comes on she’s like a lunatic, ‘now this daal isn’t too hot is it?’ etc., as if to assure all concerned that whatever dogs these experts are cooking will be alright for a usual Sky Three audience.

Ah I miss Troma’s Edge TV and the Trip, not to mention Vids and Bits. With No Internet my film watching has gone back to pre-information super-procrastination highway levels. Easter was only made bearable by watching Firefly and Serenity a bit too much and these flicks:

Bug
Like great, old Twilight Zone episodes, 1970s horror, like Bug, which this isn’t a remake of but thought it was before I found out more about it, even things like the David Warner movie Nightwing, that crappy low budget end of horror set in remote motels in the American south or even elements of Psycho along with Phillip K. Dick-like paranoia. Ashley Judd is a revelation and Michael Shannon is a twitchy genius.

Stardust
Alright apart from that unicorn shot that Matthew Vaughan is suitably sheepish about as it's almost identical to Bladerunner's, which Jane Goldman is oblivious to, had to go back to the commentary on that particular bit because I wanted to see what he said, he said as a filmmaker he was embarrassed about it. Bob's a highlight but all I could think about was fucking unicorns and the idiots that like them so it kind of cancelled itself out.

American Gangster
Good but they were a little too anxious to have Crowe and Washington as buddies, Chiwetel Ejiofer as always was great. Was left feeling though that someone who becomes a gangster kingpin couldn’t have been so cuddly surely he did some horrible shit that we’ll never find out about, and as soon as it started I knew ‘Across 110th Street’ would appear on the the sound track and of course it does.

In a Lonely Place
Great always good to take a classical Hollywood breather in amongst contemporary stuff, Bogart and Gloria Grahame are amazing in this and it’s underrated masterpiece.

Aliens
Much as I love the Alien box set the Aliens disc has an awful habit of always going straight into the James Cameron commentry, if I hear the words ‘hey Jim Cameron here, the version of Aliens you are about to see if my favorite’, madness will ensue.


Oh and Grindhouse, I did stay true to my previous rant and did not see Grindhouse until I saw the whole thing properly, and caught the double bill at a late show at the Odeon, where we’re doing a comedy night this Friday. I did like it, Planet Terror more than Death Proof, but the Vanishing Point references and the appearance of the great Zoe Bell made it so worth it. As a crap movie geek, I may have mentioned it, the injokes in Grindhouse are amazing, just to see Michael Biehn and Jeff Fahy (the terrible twins of straight to video crap of the 1980s on one screen as brothers was amazing) As always with anything from Tarantino since Jackie Brown, if you’re a 14-year-old boy, you will probably think this is the best film ever, and definitely one for those that like arses.

Grindhouse, don't get me fucking started...

On fucking Grindhouse!! This was merely the last straw for a Norwich based film geek like myself. Firstly, I find out Kulture Shock in Norwich is closing and moving to ...wait for it...Beccles, then I find of the two multiplexes in Norwich, neither is showing This Is England ! so they can keep shite like The Last Mimzy (if you see it, tell me whatever happened to the second-last Mimzy? is that going to be in the prequel?) on for another week but they can't risk a screen for what's been lauded as the best British film of the year in a town packed to the fucking gills with film students and a uni nearby that specializes in British cinema?

Young Pietari was telling me for ages that Grindhouse going to be split up into two movies and I just wouldn't believe it, I was so looking forward to a double bill. As you might guess, I love going to the cinema for as long a stint as is humanly possible (my current record is 17 horror films in two and a half days at the Horrorthon ) Ever since the trailers I was geekily going nuts, this was the ulitmate film injoke gone mad, our pal Tarantino was sticking it to the money gubbing 'man' by forcing him to come up with value for money and a long enjoyable night at the cinema in an era of inflated ticket prices and low quality.

But it seems, because of the stupidity of others (i.e. some U.S. audiences supposedly walking out half way through because they misunderstood the concept of the double bill) the discerning viewer who understands it's a fucking double bill because it says it's a fucking double bill in the trailer, will have to shell out twice to see two movies, with all the edited out flab reinstated,. Where will the Edgar Wright trailer go? surely a highlight for British audiences, to see Nick Frost as a baby-eating zombie! (It's on youtube, as are all the trailers if you fancy a bit of spoiling!)

I feel that the whole 'people walking out' angle has to be a bit of a fabrication. It's been so widely publicised as a double bill, I doubt many would walk out, even if it's true, so what! they've already paid their money so let the mooks walk out and let the film fans who, you know, read reviews and generally know what's going on stay for the next film! It implies that only American audiences understand U.S. movies, when so much of film lore comes, like Cahier du Cinema coining Film Noir, from an outside perspective on a cycle of U.S. movies consumed at once, sometimes in like...double bills. Double bills aren't the sole preserve of America and to suggest that Europeans don't understand the idiom is preposterious.

I just wish the Weinsteins would say look 'we didn't make as much money as we thought we would so we're gonna pump you yurpean fucks for more money, ok,' instead of:

We've revised our UK release plans to allow audiences the chance to see the films separately, like they will be shown in all international territories.

Oh thanks, I love the chance to get my pockets emptied twice and be robbed of a filmic experience just becuase you didn't make as many millions as you wanted becuase you failed to understand the fundametally cult niche audience the film appeals to. If you've got Tarantino and Rodriguez on board you're not going to get Die Hard 4.o!

As the Guardian arts blog puts it:

You can't help but be dismayed at the way that US box-office returns are increasingly treated as the only important guage of quality. Grindhouse may well bomb in British cinemas. Whatever happens, it is unlikely to match the grosses achieved by Hot Fuzz, let alone Spider Man, but that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. It would be nice if UK audiences were able to make up their own minds for once, without having to take it on trust that just because a film has only made $23 million in three weeks in the US, it must therefore be bad.

It's not only Grindhouse, but why isn't there a delux Kill Bill box set yet with more features? or a cut of both films together, I see there's a new Sin City one, but wasn't there a rumoured three hour cut? I had initial feelings of deliberately not seeing either parts of Grindhouse and boycotting it at the cinema and wait for the DVD, but in a scenario where I'm Peter Gibbons and the Weinsteins are Lumbergh I'm going to have to go anyway becuase I'm a fucking pussy....

Update: see, Kurt Russells is with me on this one!