Thursday, January 20, 2005

Norwich's hellish happenings?

It would be unfair to say that Norwich is hell, but it did put in a bid to become one of the new circles of hell (kind of like the Olympics or the European City of Culture). Although it got refused this honour, remnants of the city’s hellish inclinations are still to be found. The above photo I've taken is of one such gateway to hell (note the inscription "26", 2+6=8, which rhymes with "hate" and "gate"). I will post more evidence as I come across it.

This little door is one of the foremost ennui-generating stations in the United Kingdom, it lurks just as you are almost home on “The Avenues” (a haunted street of ever-changing lengths attuned to bladder fullness and/or the amount of people who are carrying you). The hell-portal expertly amplifies the exact futility of what you have ‘achieved’ at college that day, beaming it directly into the brain. Pedestrians can be often be seen attempting to curl up into a foetal position under its tiny roof to have a sob onto the damp leaves. Christ! January just gets more and more miserable, doesn’t it? Very cold, no money and just when the lusty horizon of spring and the end of January payday is in view, Hallmark cards and a loose conspiracy of sap-merchants foist St. Valentine’s Day crap on us. I’m limbering up for some choice rants on that particular ‘holiday’. On top of that my Superman mug landed on the Grad Bar floor recently and shattered into many shards of delf misery...prompting a bad poem:

Farewell to thee, my Superman mug,
You accompanied me to many a student slum.
Next time I’ll get one made from adamantium.

Still it was a present from the ex, I will now purchase a superhero merchandise mug untainted by heartbreak...I wonder do they do She-Hulk ones. Apologies for the bleakness, don't worry, there'll be more light-hearted missives on sleep deprivation, porn and comics along in the fullness of time no doubt.


Corneilious said...
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Corneilious said...

Jimmny -

I have been through that door...

'In watery green light, between narrow cement walls, they descended a metal staircase for many minutes. The air grew chilly and at length they came into a cavernous low ceilinged place which gave a sense of width without spaciousness, for the floor was covered by pipes and tubes of every size from the height of a man to the thickness of a finger, while the ceiling was hidden by cables and ventilation ducts. They emerged from a door in a brick billar onto a metal walkway leading across the pipes. [The Master Chief] moved down this and [Jimmney and Corneilious] followed, sometimes clambering over an unusually large pipe by an arched metal ladder. For a long time the only sound was a distant pulsing hum mingled with gurgles and clanking and their echoing footsteps. [Jimmney] said, "This bending hurts my back".

"I see a wall in the distance. We'll soon be out of here."

"Oh, [Corneilious], how dreary this is! I was excited when we went up to [The Grad Bar]. I expected a glamorous new life. Now I don't know what to expect, except horror and dullness."

[Corneilious] felt this too. He said, "It's just a zone we've got to cross. Tomorrow, or the next day, we'll be in Unthank."'

Anonymous said...

You need a girlfriend!

Lorcy said...

Indeed, but they seldom need me...

Mush said...

in light of your recent mug accident i found 3 original 1979 muppet mugs for miss piggy, gonzo & animal 4 £1.50 in a charity shop in ely
think they may be the replacement! c u 2morrow
L xx