Saturday, May 31, 2008

Tales of Schrödinger's Arsebone

Would you let this guy near your arsebone?

Finally, I am back online....'and low! the perversity index of the Internet exploded'. Not that I can make much physical use of it after recent injuries. I have contracted what I describe as ' Schrodinger's Arsebone', due to events that will be described below. Basically, I have a bruised (possibily fractured) Coccyx and can't do much, and sit on cushioned chairs and groan when I have to pick up pounds from the ground. I knew it was sore, when it happened, and could hardly walk, but the doctor cheerfully told me 'well you've probably got a bruised Coccyx, but it might be fractured, we could x ray it , but even if we did and it was there's nothing we can do anyway*, just take it easy and see how it goes'.... hence my overwrought quantum physics/Heisenberg uncertainity principle metaphor.

The real reason for my near broken arsebone is obviously little to do with quantum physics.
I had this crazy idea when finally getting paid from the teaching to go out on a Saturday night in dressy shoes and a dressy shirt like what people do. No one seems to understand my urge to dress like this just once, but, obviously, it's all connected to ideas of maybe getting the ride at some stage before I die. Myself and Ricardo from the kitchen went out and had a good drunken night, at Mustard and I got very drunk and then decided to stay there when R went home. I literally remember nothing about how it happened but I woke up in terrible pain with a CD-sized bruise on my right burtock (to use the parlance of forrest gump) this was because, as I found out later, I had a bad Drum and Bass CD in my back pocket at the time, I've listened to it since, it's not worth it .

My logic was that I must have fallen down the stairs at home after I got home, because if I had fallen down the stairs at the nightclub I would surely remember some altercation with bouncers or punters. I could have been so wrecked that I could walked home quite happily with a bruised arsebone and a bruise the size of cd so, frighteningly it could have happened anywhere. Suffice to say, I was so in shock I worked a split shift in the kitchen and bar on sunday and then on monday I could barely walk and since then it's been a slow pillow/painkiller/babystep recovery type deal. In conclusion, readers, don't fall on your arse, it is quite literally a pain in the arse.

*hooray for modern science...

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