Sunday, October 02, 2005

Hey monkey should be down there *all* the time!

What is it about guys with long hair? They can get away with fucking murder! There’s this girl, (“Dr. Pepper” knows of her) who works in one of Norwich’s attempts at an upmarket hairdressing hangout…ie it’s not called ‘The Hairport’ or ‘Curl up and Dye’. She’s Norwich’s answer to a Suicide Girl: shaven, dyed, pierced, tattooed, taut, tiny, and hobbling around on New Rock boots..etc etc. Anyway, I’m walking home during a split shift and I see said angel of depravity and then I see some long-haired guy following her. I mean, he looks like a lungfish that has had its face stoved in with a lead pipe. Is this a stalker? Is this a local Dungeons and Dragons enthusiast who mistakes her for an Orc?

Of course fucking not! He’s her fucking boyfriend, he’s catching up with her…he better catch up with her…she’s got 99.9% of the geeks of Norwich lusting after her. It reminded me of Gavin McInnes comment on one of his do's and don’ts in Vice Magazine.

“ Dude, keep holding on to her and don’t let go for the rest of your life. She is about seven miles out of your league and you are never going to have tits like that in your mouth ever again (ever)…”

It also reminded me of the bizarre system of fate that seems to pair ugly, hairy, stumpy, unfunny, boorish fucks with tall, willowy, beautiful, sexy, etc etc woman:
it’s the
“Apes and Angels Theory” recounted at length by myself and the Bad Brute (where be he? Who do that?) ….its collaries being:

Apes and Angels
Monkeys and Models
Gibbons and Girls
Chimps and Chicks
Lemurs and Ladies
Baboons and Babes
Primates and Pussy

That’s about it for now, but I’m sure I’ll think for more…why don’t yous suggest some?

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