Sunday, October 02, 2005

Pudding and porn…well, if people will ask…

A waitress at work was asking what I was doing… in my usual getting covered in crap and hot water voice I explained I was doing a PhD in superhero movies and was into comics and such. And she goes yeah, comics are good for hiding your porn and that. I’m there saying, yep totally, a comic collection is the perfect place to hide porn.

Little does she know comics are the best place to hide many types of porn, I mean by this: olden day porn. Porn what is held in magazine form not ‘FBI Warning’ style region ‘0’ DVDs or 'giz us your credit card number' jizz jockey Web sites, where your poor cpu explodes once you click on a word like 'pussy'. There is such an art to it: Color Climax and the small Euro pornos like Maximum Perversion* and Rodox and such are easily hidden betwixt American comics and Swank, Fox and other U.S. mags, Nugget say, are easily hidden within the folds of 2000 AD. It reminds me of when, back in the day, back in Belfast I would smuggle such filth within the fantasy across the border. When going through shopping centres like Castle Court as a teen and getting searched for possible bomb-making shite by a bemused security guard. I was scared that my sleaze would be discoved...as if a copy of Mayfair where a naked demi-wave woman covorted with saucepan full of rice pudding would be more of a threat to Belfast than a bomb?

I kid you not in liew of hardcore action English soft porn mags were reduced to displacement activites like a saucepan of rice pudding to 'spice things up a bit'. English porn is like and oxymoron...go to the east for cheap electronics....go to the U.S. of A (and I wonder what the A stands for?) for pervesrse pornography. Must stop ranting before I get in more trouble..by next Saturday...I will have working 4 full weeks in bar and kitchen work..every day a week...needless to say, I am not a throughly stable man :) . Mind you, I never was beforehand.


It’s funny how a pretty mindless job encourages me to be more open about being open about being a total ‘pervoirt’.I remember office jobs where It took weeks for the true dark side to emerge. Now it takes about five minutes.

For example, the other day I nearly had a fit because I ordered this two fine tomes…
Suicide Girls and Erotic Print Society's Young Lusty Sluts from Amazon. I was out, and a card that simply said 'Amazon' and a phone number to ring was shoved through the letter box. Upon ringing this number I found out that it was a random woman who knew nothing of any courier and even less about my mucky books. In a break in work, I rang up Amazon and explained my predicament to some poor Inadian call-centre guy. "What titles are they?", he asks. "Young Lusty Sluts and the Suicide Girls!"** I reply rather too loudly as the head chef bemusedly shook his head. "Are they for your work?" he asks..." they could be" I reply. I am, as has always been the case, a total pervoirt, but nice with it, you know...

*What is 'Maximum Perversion'? is like turning so far from the norm you are normal? this month's issue: A nonhorny slut gets some HOT TEA down her warm throat before she GOES TO MASS and swallows a bit of JC's supernatural flesh.
** This sounds like some sort of perverse version of an Enid Blyton romp!

“and later on, I’ll be telling you how to wear a bobble hat this summer…”

4 comments:

Ernesto said...

For many years I kept many porn mags between my comics collection. And I guess, after all, that my first "porn" was Heavy Metal.

I crave for that Suicide Girls book, mate. Just don't tell anyone...

Lorcy said...

it seems to be a thin line between comic collecting and 'Pornnoisseuring'

The SG book is well worth getting, there is a landfill worth of porn and pin-up material of blonde idiots but the SGs realised there is such a market for intelligent women with tatoos, piercings and hair dye.

clamnuts said...

Do Amazon really do hardcore? I'm off to check

Lorcy said...

not really mostly soft porn arty stuff like 'taschen's big hardback spunkproof photo history of bums' or something...