The Tommy Tippee Situation....or they call me Jimmny Four Pants

I came a bit ill-prepared for ole Scotland, packing as I usually do at like 5am. It was so lovely in Norwich I didn't think of the grim wet Victorian misery of the Edinburgh weather and had to invest 1.99 in one of these horrible ponchos (basically a blue rubbish sack with 'Scotland' written on it, see above right, photo courtesy of Johnny Kearns). Leaving The Loft, a trendy Gilded Balloon bar, one night I put on this monstrosity in readiness for going home in the unrelenting rain and could feel the sensation of the security guards closing in (a bit like when all the SWAT fellas come after Batman in Year One). I bet Roy Walker doesn't have one of these.

My other bout of ill-preparedness was finding out all too late that I somehow packed like 20 pairs of socks yet only four pants, four pants! that's insane, and Edinburgh doesn't have a Primark and I wasn't going to buy 3 pants for 7.99 in H&M (which I kept mistakenly calling HMV and people were going what do you expect, pants are always going to be expensive in HMV they probably have Stewie from Family Guy on them or something) so I had to do loads of washes.

On my first wash I saw a strange red cup in the machine and thought it was some integral washing powder distribution device, they all get more complicated each year like the current tiny blue pillows, I remember the days when the tiny wee net things were a novelty. Anyway it made a teribble clanking noise, until on taking out the wash it was discovered to be a child's drinking beaker, who puts them in washing machines? kids probably. Mr. Kearns thought it was very funny and took a pic (see above left) of the offending infant-liquid dispenser with this caption:

Absolutely THE most stupid thing I have ever heard a man, let alone a 32 year old man, say/do. Holding a Tommy Tippee (clues in the name, clues in the name) McGrane puts in his Bold Capsule and throws it in with his shitty pants. 'Whats that clanging?' The clanging? That'd be the childrens beaker you just put in Lorcan. What did you think the handles were for? In case the Persil was heavy?

Incidentally this is Johnny Kearns at the Arthur Art exhibition, just so you can keep and eye out for him, he doesn't always have the sign with him, he is very funny: