Monday, November 22, 2004

Gee Bay*

How eBay works:

eBay seller: "I’ll sell ya this broken stick I found in hedge for 1p"
Me: "Why would I want a broken stick for a penny?"
Someone else: "Wow! a broken stick for a penny! I’ll give you 5p for it!"
Me: "Mmm maybe it’s worth having a broken stick some random person found in a hedge I could spend 10p on it..."

(Repeat as necessary until the last minutes of auction)

Me (thinks): "Must get that broken stick! Have to buy something I was totally unaware of until very recently and suddenly it’s a really important thing that will dramatically enhance my life.

(upon opening post three days later)

Me: "Why the fuck did I spend £50 on a broken stick someone found in a hedge?? Oh well, at least I’ve ‘won’ something".

The End

*a note on Irish slang, this is not meant to be 'Gee' as in 'Gee Whiz', as some Norman Rockwell imp would say upon getting a fudge sundae from a soda jerk, but 'Gee' (with a hard 'G')as in 'Gee bag'--such slang always looks worse written down. For instance, text can never do justice to the comedic musicality of the Northern Irish phrase 'cunty bollix', or the delicate, playful lyricism of 'I'll knock yer fuck in!'...delightful.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lorc, you havent written anything for ages. f.i.n.g.e.r.o.u.t.o.f.a.r.s.e boi!