Saturday, March 10, 2007

Bad auld dreams with Madge and Guy!

"Madge and Guy in 'attempt to be interesting' shock!"

I seldom foist my dreams on the general blogosphere because a) they are too horrific and b) I don't sleep enough to have many*. However, when I do sleep I wake up all confused like 'what were all those crazy pictures behind my eyelids last night'. The last celebrity dream I posted was this time travel doughnut John Cusack one.

Similarly to that one I woke up the other day and wrote the following note to remind me of a dream: "Smoking blow with Madonna and Guy Ritchie £3.50...I wouldn't pay £6.50"...The basic gist of the dream was I for some reason was with some guy and we were both in Madonna and Guy Ritchie's gaff and he really wanted to get in with them, but I couldn't be arsed really. Like who would be? There's some who dig Madonna but I see her as some sort of international subculture stealing machine. Like she sits in a big Prisoner style room monitoring all the trendy subcultures of the world and when she sees one she likes, like, I don't know Abba, or Ali G, she swoops down and absorbs it. But, and here's the kicker, she's always a year and a half late, so try as she might, and she's nearly killing herself trying, she.can.never.be.cool! Anyway, these thoughts probably spawned the dream along with watching a documentary on divas of New York as part of bbc4's excellent New York week (you know proper ones like Grace Jones, Sylvester, Donna Summer....and then the vapid tones of Madge were tacked on the end.


Anyway me and this unnamed guy were hanging out with Madge and fucking Guy Ritchie and smoking blow and this awkward Curb your Enthusiasm moment happened where my dislike of both Madge and Guy sort of came apparent, but the guy I was with was like really trying to suck up the them, and the more I saw this the more really overt in my dislike of the pair I became. Anyway it all came to ahead when fucking Ritchie goes 'I've got some old copies of 'Snatch' out in the garage if you want one, £6.50?'. Me with uncharacteristic vehemence, in mid puff off a 'bifter' as much missed Gary J Brynes would say, 'I wouldn't pay fucking £3.50 for a copy Snatch Guy!'....

What would Freud say? I ordinarily never say this phrase but say it now to illustrate the point that when people think they are saying something sexually perverse (they aren't) they normally go 'he he what would Freud say?' which opens them to a really bad joke like you going, well he'd probably say 'what the fuck is an ipod?' 'or what year is it?' 'who is this Dale Winton?' etc. etc....

* Beyond the fact that dreams are fundamentally and unconscious non linguistic phenomena so once you attempt to express them into a conscious linguistics they chance somewhat. I'm mostly thinking of wankers in the Big Brother house who say things to impressionable fellow house mates like...'I had a dream last night, I dreamt you won!'...

1 comment:

trollop23 said...

Freud would say that Madonna is a phallic symbol, those Snatch comix are a phallic symbol, Guy is a phallic symbol, and smoking blow represents the stress you're feeling regarding the phallic symbols.
And then he would blame your mother for the stress.
Then again, sometimes a Snatch is just a Snatch....