Sunday, February 19, 2006

Bootleg toys from hell

The great Bob Byrne over at Clamnuts celebrated Valentine's day in style by discussing bootleg toys. This gave me the excuse I've been waiting for to show pics of the scariest toys ever (see below). My camera couldn't quite pick out horrific details like their bright red lipstick or 'Buzzinski's receeding ginger hairline. It was also an excuse to look up some great sites like Bootleg Toys: The Undiscovered Playthings.

I don't know what it is but I always end living near sources of insanely scary bootleg toys. Back in the day, Badbrute, oldgrom and I used to scour the dodgy discount emporia of Portrush for horrific examples of toymaking brian wrongs. There was "Spatank" that could change from a box-shaped robot to a "tank" that looked suspciously like a box-shaped robot. There was also "Troll Force". Man, whoever worked in whatever toy warehouse that spawned "Troll Force" deserves some sort of prize. Picture the scene, they've got lots of unwanted Troll dolls and loads of unwanted wrestling action figures why not take all the troll heads and put them on wrestlers' bodies...and low, Troll Force was born.

Although I have a soft spot for my "Supercop" action figure (not to be confused with Robert Cop 3), the monstrosities pictured below are prized in my collection of cheap knock-offs. What demented child slaves had to paint these things with toxic paint? Why does the Buzz doll have no space helmet? a more burning question is why he looks like a Tor Johnson in drag. These little fellas have accompanied me to every desk job I ever had, guarding it with their bizarre black eyes, which follow you around the room. I suspect they are coated with toxic paint that has slowly eaten away at my nervous system and may perhaps be the explanations for my bizarre opinions and cantankerous ways.

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