Thursday, February 09, 2006

Porn Fatigue: I must be getting old.

One of the delights meeting up with friends you haven’t seen in a while is continuing conversations. I don’t know what it is, but when ever me and certain dumb riffer, the conversation usually turns to bizarre subjects like “Simon Brett stories” everyone we know in Norwich has one, hey if you have a Simon Brett story, please send it in! I’m sure there’s a few we’re missing…I need the full set for my scrapbook.

Other than that and The Big Lebowski, and Spaced and Will Ferrell, the conversation often turns to ‘porn fatigue’ an affliction that I have also discussed with yon Bad Brute(….there’s been some stirrin’s in his quarters but I’m missing the brutes technoprose.)Anyway, ‘porn fatigue’ could be defined as an undue interest in everything other than the explicit sex. Things you say when you’ve got porn fatigue might include:

* That computer is sooo out of date.

* I wonder what books are on that bookshelf (turning head at 90 degrees not to observe something perverse but to see if you have any of the same books as the pornographer, unsurprisingly, yeah I do.)

* When you know far too much about a porn directors interior décor, like ‘oh…there’s Jules Jordan’s chaise longue again…. Oh he’s bought some hideous modern art mirror since the last movie I saw….and a horrible leopard couch.’ man that guy has more money than sense look at the state of his flat (I know it's populated with horny sluts but still he's making a mess of it, it'll look so unhip in ten years etc..)

* When, even though you can’t see their faces you can identify male porn stars by their catch ‘phrases’ (the latter word credits some sort of linguistic construction which these guys)

Here’s your cut out and keep guide:
Rocco:You nasty girl?’ (I think it may be a fair assumption, you don’t need to ask her like 200 hundred times)
Jules Jordan: ‘There you go’ about 100 times
Erik Everhard: ‘arrrrghgh uuuuuuhhh’ etc. (hey Erik, I know you're doing unseakable things, we all know, because, like, it's being recorded but you don't have to rub it in!)

2 comments:

Larry the Naps said...

I bought some shoes off that Simon Brett once....

clamnuts said...

Oh man, I've become the Biggest Porn nazi, I'm notoriously picky
about what flarn I watch.And in the modern file-sharing age why shouldn't we be discerning and fed up with mediocre smut?