Thursday, February 09, 2006

Vanishing Shite! 1970s remakes good and bad....

On New Year’s Eve I perused the listings for some fine post-pub movie and spied Vanishing Point, great I thought, what could be better that one of the finest films of the 1970s. Back when action movies didn’t need characters tortured by familial angst, or if they did, they didn't moan on and on about it, they just had a wacky gimmick like they just will not stop driving for some reason. Like Point Black, Vanishing Point is one of those action flicks with a protagonist on a simple-minded quest that bends to no logic or societal demand.

Imagine my disgust when I turn on and find not bushy haired Eliot Gould—alike Barry Newman but Viggo Mortensen. Hey, I know that’s not too bad, but I’m leading up to the real travesty…Super Soul the character so well played by Cleavon Little was played by…no wait….first up, think of some names, if you were to cast Super Soul now, who would you choose? Jamie Foxx?, Chris Rock? Chris Tucker even? All possible but the choice for hack TV-Movie director Charles Robert Carner is obvious….Jason Priestly of course, Jason fucking Priestly mangling of the most stirring lines of 1970s cinema ‘The question was not when he was gonna stop but WHO was gonna stop him’ mangled in a southern-moustachioed drawl by this teen-soap dewy-eyed retard. Don't get me started, the naked lady on the motorbike has a bikini on and instead of nihilism and explosions we get redemption and happily ever after Gladiotor-style shite.

Luckily I had a good 1970s remake to fall back on, Rockstar games’ The Warriors. It’s great although frustrating when you’re trying to do a 'burn' on some enemies 'turf' and you keep getting’ 'bopped' by the Moon Runners or something (sounds almost perverse, although in the world of Jimmny, everything does). In my occasional urge to matchmake fictional characters, I always felt DJ Super Soul from Vanishing Point and the amazing and sorely missed Lynne Thigpen as the Radio DJ in The Warriors would make a great couple.

No comments: