Thursday, November 09, 2006

See what happens...

When I don't blog, the likes of poor Bob Bryne has to take up the flack as I infect the comments board of his great blog. He went see Boarat (it's some sort of comedy film, I haven't heard much about it have you?) anyway I went on some rants about the legal raminfications of it and the fact that obviously there's about 10 times more footage of sketches going wrong that we actually get to see. thankfully after all that ranting I did find evidence of the guff I was spouting in this Slate article about the legal ramifications of Borat.

My rant grew out of frustration not with Borat, but with Saw III, and not even Saw III which was pretty bad and total bobbins, but with all the doe-eyed urban legend suckers that say things like 'oh such and such fainted' and, I swear to god someone at work said this today:

' They had to close a screen in UCI cause someone puked during Saw III and it hit about three rows!'

There are news reports like BBC News my favourite bit is this:

"There was also a case of a 22-year-old woman passing out at Cineworld in Cambridge on Friday, but it had not been confirmed that she was watching Saw III, he added. "

.....And down Prince of Wales Road in Norwich about 100 people collapsed, near the cinema, but it was not confrimed whether they were actually in the cinema or the nearby Lloyds drinking Stella till it pickled their cranial membrane.

Thing is, I'm just bitter I used to love horror films but then I hit 18 and found I could watch anything I want, i.e. porn so didn't need bad horror and sci-fi for titilation. I also had (and have obviosuly) a huge interest in special effects (ask my mam sometime about my bulbous headed zombie outfit I scared an aunt with one time, her recounting of it always makes me laugh) but, when you take into account what's possible, the Saw movies have pretty shit special effects.

Thus, here are some of the things the suck about Saw III:

* Whenever a gross moment is about happen the camera goes shakey and there's loud music and flashy editing to detract from the lack of good special effects.

*It makes no sense! Again, hand up I am a horror geek, but I still want my trash to make sense, in the first Saw, we are told that the Brion James type killer guy Jigsaw dude starts his campaign to torture these people so they understand the gift of life after a cnancer diagnosis, in Saw III there's all this bollix about how it's his life's work!

*In this age of terror threat madness and surveillance, how the fuck can you build gigantic warehouses with mocked up houses inside filled with explosives, guns, spikes, baldes etc., without being discovered.

* Does his dictaphone/video camera/scary puppet supplier not get suspicious

*Why does he never die, oh yeah, I remember these are really cheap money that make fuckloads from gulliable fans like me.

1 comment:

clamnuts said...

Heh, Brion James, I used to buy Fangoria religiously and every second issue they'd have an interview with him. Big thanks for the Slate link, vewwwy interesting