Thursday, August 24, 2006

Pat the Plank: The Real Partridge

If you are from Ireland or have seen any RTE, you may be aware of Pat Kenny, Ireland's own Alan Partridge, without being a self-referential postmodern comic creation--it's all pure Pat baby.

He took over from Gay Bryne on Ireland's permier Friday night chat show, the Late Late Show. Whereas 'Gaybo' had the Parkinston common touch Kenny is eternally uncomfortable with the sort of 'scum' that pay his wages by making him popular.

Once on the toy show he introduced a scantily clad model dressed up as Lara Croft to two 8 year olds who were busy playing the game and didn't share Pat's lust for the tart. They were playing on a big arcade style yoke and Pat let her quietly sneak up behind them and she scared the shite of them. All the while Pat was making these facial gestures the poor wee scrotes as if to say 'hey, wink wink, like what you see fellas?'

Myself and top Dublin novelist The Community at Large I learned of this great Kenny story. Pat Kenny's wikipedia entry got vandalised, see they say 'vandalised' I say 'improved', check this piece of comic genius:

Nickname in college was “The Plank” because of his tendency to ‘get wood’ at inappropriate times. Is reported to have bedded over 40 show girls.

Was once a trainee priest, but was forced to leave the seminary over allegations of sexual relations with a nun.

Was once suspected of being “The Midnight Commando”, a Batman-style vigilante who fought night crime in late 1970s Dublin Once claimed to have travelled to space in “a giant hat”.
No-one believed him. Except Sven.

Was recently associated with huge shipments of rhoyhypnol into Ireland Sleeps naked in a polythene bag which he believes gives him great sexual prowess.

Hobbies include bending hot ones into unsuspecting interns. Reputed to have introduced the phrase “sweating like a rapist” into the vernacular after using it while he thought that the mike was off on his morning radio show.

Likes to get bonged up when he has some free time. Is very superstitious and insists on eating a newborn baby mandrill before each episode of the Late Late Show.

Has been known to do his weekday radio show in the nude on occasion.

Avid music fan who has a record collection of over 120,000 albums.

His lifes ambition is to meet and interview Mr. David Hasselhoff.

listen to him not getting a pun (I couldn't get it either, someone explain to me Gavin Henson must have being riding some one called Church? oh Charlotte Church, the other guy helpfully fills in the blanks, see I know nothing about footballers) but Kenny's pause is great and him giving out about his 'scum' listeners.

Kenny article on the Alan Partridge site

oh and check out their great clip of another real Partridge uncanny...dan Dan DAn! DAAN DAAAAN!! he has't heard me....DAAAAAN!


Edward said...

Just in case you haven't seen it
Kenny creepy link 457...

Anonymous said...

I beleive that Gavin Henson is in fact a welsh rugby player and not a footballer.

But you may have already known that, you may not, anyhow...

Lorcy said...

cheers for the heads up did not know hanson was a rugby player, my sports knowledge is pretty much zero, david beckham he kick the ball between thoses stick thing donn't he